The People of Paisley Glen

Duke of Plaza Toro; Marquis de Carabas; Earl of Mount Ararat; Viscount of Paisley Glen; Baron Muchausen; By the Grace of Wee Drinky Emperor and Overlord of All Paisley Principalities

Abbess of the Paislian Shrine; Arbetrix of Unmuffinliness; Duchess of Brampton Court; Marchioness of the Pectin Forest; Countess of Patisserie; Viscomptess Licorice; Baroness Redberry

Equerry of His Majesty's Boozecage; Duke of Brampton Court; Marquis of the Pectin Forest; Earl of Patisserie; Viscount Licorice; Baron Redberry

Duchess of Paisley Poland; Countess of Paisley Warsaw; Baroness of Paisley Borogravia

Duke of Paisley Poland; Earl of Paisley Warsaw; Baron of Paisley Borogravia

Camp Mother; The Keeper of the Ramen; Ambassador to the Squirrels; Duchess of Afee; Marchioness de Monet; Countess of Paisley Wales and Paisley Belgium

Master of the House; Equerry of His Majesty's Boozecage; Duke of Crackenthorpe; Marquis de Monet; Earl of Paisley Wales and Paisley Belgium

Princess of the Realm; Grand Duchess of Paisley Gaul; Countess of Urbania, Paisley Viet Nam, and Paisley Quebec; Baroness of Paisley Seattle, Paisley Portland, and Paisley New York; Chieftaness of the Paisley Glamazons

Once, there was a little match-girl. Her only relative was her ailing grandmother, who would send her out daily to sell the matches that were their only way of making a living. One cold, snowy, christmas day, she froze to death horribly. Her soul saw an angel, who was about to take her away to a beautiful place full of food and warmth, when It stopped, muttered to itself for a minute, and said "Sorry, wrong matchgirl. Actually, you're still alive. Good-bye." Full of disapointment (and, apparently, life), the match-girl turned to a life of booze and men. Her grandmother was so upset by this that she died, again horribly, and her grand-daughter took the insurance money and spent it on Opium. When she smoked the opium, the smoke coalesced into a mystical spirit, who indeed took the former match-girl away to a better life. The mystical spirit, as it happens, was Crystal Lily, who is a founder member of Paisley Glen.

Cutter Gryphon was a nervous boy, who never seemed to get along with other children. However, he had great dreams for himself. The other children just laughed at him leaping about, all by himself, talking to the people who weren't there. Eventually, after a couple of doses of electro-therapy, he stopped seeing them. When he was older, the mystery not-really-there-at-all people came back, and wouldn't stop pestering him. Eventually, he gave in to the Paislians, and lives with them to this day.

While on their Grand Tour, shortly after discovering Sonja/Ursula in Romania, Edmund and company swung through Budapest, in Hungary. While seeing the sights, they were followed by a street urchin, who attempted to rob them. Amused, and overcome with pity, the group attempted to confront her. All she could say, however was 'Scarf! Grandmama! No!', which lead them to believe the tricksy youngster was an orphan. Or something. So they brought her with them, attempting some form of governance for the young creature, who eventually became known as the sultry Dame Scarf Magyar, Baroness of Paisley Hungary.

Marquis de Sad; Earl of Paisley Byzantium; Lord Protector of Paisley Jerusalem and Paisley Montenegro; 12th Baron of Hale's Pass, direct descendant of Percival MacHale, First Baron of Hale's Pass

(Excerpt from "Williprig Greem's Concise History of Hale's Pass, (third printing, 1899)

One evening, Lord Edmund's ego led him to believe that the 37 wee drinkies he had previously imbibed that night were not at all sufficient, and that his inebrion levels were sagging. He badgered Lord Smegford to make him another Smeg-juice, and after protesting -just once!- that it was only two in the afternoon, he gave in. But just as Edmund was about to take a sip, something occured which made George Lucas's special effects budget look small. After all the swirling lights and eerie mists and so on had died down, there was Glenn Paisley! Who came with a warning."Wee Drinky Commands That You Leave Him Alone For At Least Another Hour, Unless You Want A Visit From Wee Vomity!" he intoned, in sepulcheral tones. After a great deal of confusion, it was determined that Wee Drinky had created an avatar, in order to directly influence the Glen. This avatar, while free to move and act and sell horse perfume independently, could be ridden in the manner of a loa of the voudoun , and thus could bring Wee Drinky's Will about in the Glen.

One afternoon, some teenages in some basement somewhere were rocking some reefer and watching some anime - hentai. Mysteriously, the cat-girl on the screen transcended the animational barrier, and stood there before them. That cat-girl is the Lady Puddles.

Hot Kelly, a wealthy mercenary's daughter from one of the provinces in Paisley Poland, has well proved her worth to the Glen - and her fighting skills! Many an unwary gentleman has felt the claws of this hell-cat - and sometimes has even had the gall to complain. Nevertheless, Hot Kelly is one of the spicier members of the Glen.

Of the Lady Olivia, as written in the Book of Paisley Glen: As they all turned to leave the country and get on the boat from Ireland, Gryphon fell more ill than he had seemed previously when he took his fall from the window. The Lord and Lady tried to take him to a healer, but all of their places of business were closed and they wouldn't offer their business to a bunch of ragamuffins. The three were about to lose hope when a kindly woman-healer named Olive came from out of nowhere and healed Gryphon. Gryphon fell temporarily in love with the fair skinned, red-headed beauty, but realized it could never be. After this, the Lord Turnpike begged the talented healer Olive to come with them. She said she would, claiming she had nothing better to do.

Once, there was a mysterious stain on one of the infamous couches of Paisley Glenn. All the boys swore up and down that it was merely someone's party foul, but the stain suddenly gained three-dimensional form and claimed otherwise. That stain is now "Stickey."

Long ago, in Japan, there was a beautiful garden owned by an emperor. In the center of the garden stood a magnificent statue in a fountain. One day, a great Tsunami washed over the island, destroying everything in the emperor's empire. When the water receded, the only thing left standing was the statue, which had come to life! The statue had become Angel, the crazy fairy.

The good mother of Francis, Edmund, and Ursula Turnpike, Lady Mary Turnpike has suffered a life of tradgedy. Born one of the Legendary Arvingdale Sisters, she was in much demand as a young woman. She was married no less than sixteen times before she met Charles Turnpike, but her husbands kept mysteriously dying as soon as the honeymoon was over. Fantastically wealthy by this point, she and Charles were fantastically happy. After the disapointing birth of her eldest son, Francis, she concieved yet again, and was surprised to give birth to twins. When she finally noticed that one of the twins - the only girl - was missing, she went into a deep depression her sons could do nothing to relieve. Finally, when Francis died, and shortly thereafter Ursula was returned to her, she ceased mourning, and celebrated with the rest, for - and who can blame her - she had her daughter again, and she still had a son left. And being rid of Francis was a bit of a relief. These days, she spends her time in Paisley Norway, which her son has given to her to keep her amused.

Many Moons ago, a mysterious country known as Paisley Germany collapsed in on itself like a flan in a cupboard. Out of the burning wreckage of the castle of the ruling family of that glorious nation rode a little girl protected by a pair of mysterious, be-cloaked figures. After dropping some sort of musical instrument, the little girl was brought to a small island called Stripey Glen, and transformed into a cat - for her own safety. Her rescuers became well-known public figures in P. Japan, and eventually came to be known as the Duchess of Paisley Japan and her consort, the Red Baron of Paisley Tokyo.

Lady Taytheer and her husband, Lord Anastras, have explored some of the Unconquered territory of Paisley Space, and have carved out their very own Grand Duchy. Lord Anastras, currently Commander of the Paislian Foreign Legion, and Lady Taytheer, former Ambassador to the Barbarous Territories, are uniquely qualified to live in foreign climes, and we wish them luck as they expand His Majesty's Glorious Empire.

One of the few survivors of the tradgedy of Paisley Germany, and ALSO a survivor in the tradgedies of Paisley Rome and Paisley Scotland, respectively, this well-known lady has even been known to have ties to the late Dr. Raven Usher, of Paisley Russia. A black widow of the Lady Mary's school, where she goes, great dynasties crumble...

Though no longer an active member of Paisley Glen, Yimmy was one of the ten founders.
As written of Lord Yimmy in the book of Paisley Glen:"He was born in the wagon of a travelling show / His mamma used to dance for the money they'd throw / Poppa would do whatever he could / Preach a little gospel, sell a couple bottles of doctor good. / Gypsies, tramps and thieves / He'd hear it from the people in the town, they'd call him / Gypsies, tramps and thieves / But every night all the men would come around / And lay their money down. / Picked up a boy just south of Penzance / Gave him a ride, let him into his pants / Yim was sixteen, he was twenty-one / Rode with them to Dover / And Poppa would have shot Yim if he knew what he'd done."

THIS is the Archbishop who presided over the Brass Candlestick Incident. Originally inclined to follow the young boys, he wandered on their Grand Tour, but when The Barbarian of the Wiltering Flower and Orgasmo the Druid were forcibly expelled from the Glen, he decided that they needed his ... ministrations... *cough* more.

No one knows much about Bear-dog, but it is OFTEN rumoured that His Lordship can change shape at will. A tricksy spirit, no one knows when he will ...
...
...
...
POUNCE!
from behind a tree.