The People of Paisley Glen

Edmund Turnpike, Lord Paisley, Monarch of Paisley Glen

After the death of his older brother and eventual death of his father, Edmund, the last male of the direct Turnpike line, seized control of the Glen. While this meant little in England, where he was merely an obsure Earl-cum-Viscount, in Paisley-space, that mystical, fictional realm that the Turnpikes guarded, Edmund declared himself Emperor over all Paisley Principalitites. This amused or offended his allies and enemies, respectively. He now spends most of his time through the portal, where he enjoys sunny jaunts in Paisley Byzantium, and only returns to the actual building, Paisley Glen, in Cornwall, to attend sessions of the House of Lords and to go for a two-week vacation in Scotland, twice yearly.

Madame Amarantha Butterscotch, Prime Minister of Paisley Glen

Amarantha Hackenbush Butterscotch was born in 1548 to Jane Turnpike, shortly after the death of her husband, Chester Hackenbush. Alone, widowed and with a child in her care at only fifteen years old, Jane stayed in France and took up residence with a midwife Amarantha knows only as Nan. Amarantha learned the skills of Nan, who was also an herbalist and healer. She left France amidst rumors of witchcraft and met Glorfindel Butterscotch (Licorice,) a wealthy (if shady) merchant who provides her with a life of luxury. Living happily in Britain, Amarantha often visits her cousins, the Turnpikes. She maintains occasional practice of her healing skills, mostly for Paisleyans who hurt themselves.

Sophie, Original Paisleyan

A crazy fae who latched onto this troupe of odd mortals, she (who has been known as Hannah, Amoret and Robin) suffers from constant identity crisis. More like a form of otherworldy ADD, she changes her identity whenever she gets bored. She'll usually answer to the name "Sophie," though that's not a name she's lived unde, merely one that strikes her fancy.

Yimmy, Original Paisleyan (Emeritus)

Though no longer an active member of Paisley Glen, Yimmy was one of the ten founders.

He was born in the wagon of a travelling show
His mamma used to dance for the money they'd throw
Poppa would do whatever he could
Preach a little gospel, sell a couple bottles of doctor good.

Gypsies, tramps and thieves
He'd hear it from the people in the town, they'd call him
Gypsies, tramps and thieves
But every night all the men would come around
And lay their money down.

Picked up a boy just south of Penzance
Gave him a ride, let him into his pants
Yim was sixteen, he was twenty-one
Rode with them to Dover
And Poppa would have shot Yim if he knew what he'd done.

Poppy of the Leprechauns, Camp Mother

Of the Lady Poppy: as written in The Ballad of Paisley Glen

“In a small, dainty pub on the side of the road
Outside of which was a sign with a toad
Was a beautiful woman with hair of spun gold
About whom magnificent tales have been told
Poppy of the Leprechauns soon caught the eye of Smeg
Who quickly for her hand in marriage, from the floor, did beg
But Poppy told him to get up and with a smiling glance
Made Smeg’s insides turn and twist and do a little dance
And that was the beginning of a wonderful romance.”


Though dainty and shy when she first left the toil of her old life, Poppy has developed into a Matronly figure and temper. The childhood practice in tending house now serves her and the other Paislians well, as wife to Smeg, Master of the House and Camp Mother. Now go drink some water!

Russell, Original Paisleyan

I was born to a tramp and dumped in an orphanage, I met a girl of strange beauty. I followed this girl down a road where she promptly robbed me of my single sole posession, my right shoe. I chased her all across the land until I chased her into the Glen, upon which I was proclaimed by Edmund, 'shoe-chaser' for my unrelenting quest.

Smegford Thernardier, Master of the House

The bastard of Stephan Turnpike, Smegford was born in 1555 to Eponine Thenardier, in a small cottage near the magnificent palace, Paisley Glen. The younger Turnpike brother of that generation always made a point of finding a good position for his ill-begotten offspring, and so it was that Smeg, at the age of three, entered the service of his cousin, Francis Turnpike. However, Smeg was so much smarter than Francis that he despised the boy, and ran around causing trouble with his younger relation, Edmund. Finally, the family had had enough of the two boys, and sent Smeg to York with Edmund, before the infamous Brass Candlestick Incident. Little did Smeg know in those days of the life of destiny, danger, and daliance that would await him as Edmund's first and faithful companion, but he would learn. Oh, yes, he would learn...

Ursula Turnpike, Privy Councillor

Edmund's twin sister, Ursula, was stolen by a roving band of gypsies, tramps, &c. during the first year of her life. She was given to a wetnurse, who had a young son, Yimmy. They were, of course, raised as siblings, and when she was old enough, Yim taught Ursula - now known as Sonja, the gypsy with milky-white skin - all the ins and outs of people's pocketses. Eventually, the troupe returned to their native Roumania, where they beggared the people of the local village, while living in luxury all the while. Eventually, she came to be engaged to the Captain of the Good Ship Lollipop, which was manned by a crew of pirates from Penzance, England. Captain Morgan, a few years on, brought some of his newer non-Penzancian crewmates to meet her, and the rest is history: Edmund, one of the crew, fell deeply in love with Sonja, fought Morgan, was scorned by Sonja, and realized that if a woman wasn't in love with him, it must be a blood relation. Ursula-Sonja was dragged back to the Glen, and made to wear shoes, and behave herself properly. Most of the time.

Crystal Lily

Once, there was a little match-girl. Her only relative was her ailing grandmother, who would send her out daily to sell the matches that were their only way of making a living. One cold, snowy, christmas day, she froze to death horribly. Her soul saw an angel, who was about to take her away to a beautiful place full of food and warmth, when It stopped, muttered to itself for a minute, and said "Sorry, wrong matchgirl. Actually, you're still alive. Good-bye." Full of disapointment (and, apparently, life), the match-girl turned to a life of booze and men. Her grandmother was so upset by this that she died, again horribly, and her grand-daughter took the insurance money and spent it on Opium. When she smoked the opium, the smoke coalesced into a mystical spirit, who indeed took the former match-girl away to a better life. The mystical spirit, as it happens, was Crystal Lily, who is a founder member of Paisley Glen.

Cutler Gryphon

Cutler Gryphon was a nervous boy, who never seemed to get along with other children. However, he had great dreams for himself. The other children just laughed at him leaping about, all by himself, talking to the people who weren't there. Eventually, after a couple of doses of electro-therapy, he stopped seeing them.
When he was older, the mystery not-really-there-at-all people came back, and wouldn't stop pestering him. Eventually, he gave in to the Paislians, and lives with them to this day.

Maximillian Von Hale, 12th Baron of Hale's Pass, direct descendant of Percival MacHale, First Baron of Hale's Pass, Grand Vizier of Paisley Glen

(Excerpt from "Williprig Greem's Concise History of Hale's Pass, (third printing, 1899)

Scarf Magyar

While on their Grand Tour, shortly after discovering Sonja/Ursula in Romania, Edmund and company swung through Budapest, in Hungary. While seeing the sights, they were followed by a street urchin, who attempted to rob them. Amused, and overcome with pity, the group attempted to confront her. All she could say, however was 'Scarf! Grandmama! No!', which lead them to believe the tricksy youngster was an orphan. Or something. So they brought her with them, attempting some form of governance for the young creature, who eventually became known as the sultry Dame Scarf Magyar, Baroness of Paisley Hungary.

Glorfindel Butterscotch, Original Muffin of Muffin Clause

Glorfindel Butterscotch was born in 1538 to Adelaide Goode and Severus Licorice (son of the notorious Lord Salazar Licorice of Candyland.) Adelaide was a good woman and insisted that Severus change his son's last name to that of a more gentle treat.
When his mother died, Glorfindel was introduced to the shady underworld of London. He was twelve. The boy made contacts thenm who would help him lead a successful career as a merchant, smuggler and mercenary. Glorfindel grew weary of his bachelor lifestyle and finally married Amarantha in 1570.

Angel

Long ago, in Japan, there was a beautiful garden owned by an emperor. In the center of the garden stood a magnificent statue in a fountain.
One day, a great Tsunami washed over the island, destroying everything in the emperor's empire.
When the water receded, the only thing left standing was the statue, which had come to life! The statue had become Angel, the crazy fairy.

Lady Mary Turnpike

The good mother of Francis, Edmund, and Ursula Turnpike, Lady Mary Turnpike has suffered a life of tradgedy. Born one of the Legendary Arvingdale Sisters, she was in much demand as a young woman. She was married no less than sixteen times before she met Charles Turnpike, but her husbands kept mysteriously dying as soon as the honeymoon was over. Fantastically wealthy by this point, she and Charles were fantastically happy. After the disapointing birth of her eldest son, Francis, she concieved yet again, and was surprised to give birth to twins. When she finally noticed that one of the twins - the only girl - was missing, she went into a deep depression her sons could do nothing to relieve. Finally, when Francis died, and shortly thereafter Ursula was returned to her, she ceased mourning, and celebrated with the rest, for - and who can blame her - she had her daughter again, and she still had a son left. And being rid of Francis was a bit of a relief. These days, she spends her time in Paisley Norway, which her son has given to her to keep her amused.

Other Members of the Glen

Ali, Ambassador to Barbarous Territories

Lady Trillium Fancypants Aurora

Mistress Kelly the Hot

Olivia the Healer

Barbara, Grand Marshall of the Allied Paislian Forces

Alucard Cuervo, First Lord of the Admiralty

Christian

Bear-Dog

Nathanael

Glenn Paisley

Julie

Samantha

Sheena

Aaron