There's a Glen where they all are so happy,
 There's a Glen where everyone's free,
 There's a Glen where they're frightened of Muffins -
 Oh, Bring Back my Paisley to Me!
 
 Chorus:
 Bring back, bring back,
 Oh, bring back my Paisley to me, to Me!
 Bring back, bring back,
 Oh bring back my Paisley to Me!
 
 The Paislians love their Lord Edmund;
 He fights for love, honour, and Truth.
 He never will give a straight answer,
 When asked if he isn't a pouf!
 
 Chorus
 
 Ursula, Edmund's dear sister
 Was stolen by gypsies when young.
 Now, when the young men come to kiss her,
 They love how she rrrrolls of ze tounge.
 
 chorus
 
 Then there's Edmund and Ursula's Mother,
 A widow with dubious wealth.
 She has buried nigh 17 husbands,
 but has yet to kill one herself.
 
 chorus
 
 We now turn to Miss Amarantha,
 The girl with the flaming red hair.
 She's as lovely as Lady Godiva,
 and frequently equally bare.
 
 chorus
 
 Lord Smegford is always so witty,
 And Smeggy is often Jocund.
 The reason that Smeg is so jolly
 Is that he's so very rotund!
 
 chorus
 
 Miss Poppy is our own Camp Mother,
 She cooks, cleans, and she breaks up fights.
 To dive into Edmund's Venetians,
 Is Miss Poppy's secret delight!

 chorus
 
 Now, Crystal is cute, young, and blonde,
 And her years are so hard to gauge.
 She'll out-do the best in all Paisley -
 We can't wait 'till she comes of age.
 
 chorus
 
 Oh, Russ wasn't much of a drinker,
 He never touched Whiskey or Gin.
 After just one quick round of Tablero,
 He never quit drinking again.
 
 chorus
 
 Sophie, who used to be Hannah,
 Was Amoret, Fae of the Sun.
Watch, while her persona changes -
 Watch, and get ready to run!
 
 chorus
 
 Yimmy was quite a companion,
 A gypsy-boy ever so slick.
 When asked what is was he was after,
 He simply said "Ivanavich."
 
 chorus
 
 Then there's young Cutler, the Gryphon,
 A nervous young man with a twitch.
 After sev'ral complete misadventures,
 He's apparently everyone's bitch.
 
 chorus
 
 The Baron Von Hale's an atrocious
 Lascivious, Libertine, Lech;
 No matter how often we scold him,
 He nibbles on nubile young flesh.
 
 chorus
 
 Admiral Cuervo's a sailor;
 He carries a giant harpoon.
 If you don't keep both eyes focused on him,
 It's likely he'll be drunk by noon.
 
 chorus
 
 Barbara Ragle's quite prudish;
 In defending Virtue she's blunt.
 In specific or gen'ral discussion,
 She won't admit she's got a ...*cough*... Viola.
 
 Chorus
 
 Glenn Paisley's a curious fellow -
 His presence can clear out a room.
 His skin made of steel might explain it,
 Or else it's that damned horse perfume.
 
 Chorus
 
 Other Verses Here
 
 Chorus
 
 And when all of Paisley's assembled,
 It's full of young women and men
 And singing and drinking and laughter;
 Oh, how I love Paisley Glen!
 
 Chorus, Chorus, Chorus, The End.